On How Much I Hate Change

I’m not a fan of change. This year, it came heavy, and even more is on the horizon. Jake said today that he wanted Summer to last forever. I’ll admit, 20 minutes earlier I was losing my ever lovin mind with all the fighting, but in that moment, with my oldest boy sitting next to me in the front seat, I totally felt him on that one. Slow down time.

I mean, they go from this……..

to this…….

in pretty much a blink.

 

Change makes me all sappy. It makes me want to dive deeper into daydreams than I do into reality.  I want to pause time. Change is part of life and it’s necessary for growth and often so very good. But sometimes it’s painful. It stings. You love and lose. You watch your kids pass major milestones. You come to the end of a really good season. A sweet friendship. Your routine that you love and value changes and you have to learn something new. You move. Relationships end. Friends leave. Jobs change. You grow a year older. Loved ones are lost. Kids grow. Marriages change and shift.  And sometimes, we spend so much time focusing on the change, or the upcoming change, that we miss the blessing of the current. Dang. Life lessons are hard.

“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”
Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

I just like things to stay the same, or do I? I mean, if things stayed the same, I’d miss out on so much. I’d still be changing diapers and dealing with colossal toddler meltdowns instead of getting out during what used to be nap time to hit up happy hour at Sonic with my kids. Who can all speak in complete sentences and wipe their own butt’s. Change isn’t always bad. If things stayed the same, we’d miss things. New friendships. New jobs. New homes or cities. New growth or opportunities.

Sometimes, the current situations or seasons we find ourselves in beg for change. They may totally stink and you may be praying for something new to come.

But for me, right now, I don’t want to move ahead. My season is good, and change is on the horizon, and I’m fighting it a bit.

Parenthood is filled with milestones. With waiting. You wait for a phase or stage your kids are going through to end. Fit’s or bedwetting or potty training, sassy attitudes(does this ever end?) or lying, sibling rivalries or fights or that kid that refuses to sit in the car seat without arching his or her back and begging you to lock them down with all your might.

Seasons.

And it always seems, at least to me, that as quickly as our kids find themselves in these hair pulling phases, they work their way out of them, sometimes without a word. You just wake up one day and they’ve moved onto something else.

Other times, you find yourself in a season of motherhood(parenthood, dad’s, this could easily apply to you too) where you want your kids to stay put. Do. not. budge.

That’s where I am. I just want to sit right here where I am, comfy and cozy in my pre-hormonal, pre-middle school, pre-all my kids in school where some still believe in Santa and the tooth fairy stage. When I think about how many Summer’s I have left until Jake graduates from high school I have a minor heart attack. How can it only be 7?!?!?!?!

Ya’ll. It is just happening too fast, and I’m tired of rushing it. I’m tired of waiting. Waiting for the annoying or trying phases to be over. Because in all honestly, I’m truly enjoying my kids where they are. And in fact, I wish I had enjoyed it more when they were young. I had no idea that before I knew it I’d be buying deodorant or planning what my days will be like when all my kids are in school….ahem…in 3 months. I’m just not ready. And in all honesty, parenthood will always be hard and challenging. They will always be going through something. There will always be change. Seriously, am I the only mom who goes through these PLEASE TIME STAND STILL moments? Tell me I’m not alone.

So my goal in all of this? The point to all this rambling? I’m going to do my best to rest in the season. To embrace the change. To enjoy it. To be more excited about Jake’s Xbox game that he’s so proud of or lay in bed a little later having tickle wars with Lila. Because in the blink of a Summer, my season will change, again. I’ll be finding a new normal. I may allow a little more jumping on the bed or slurpees or full days by the pool. More sleepover’s. I may not make my kids fold enough laundry or work enough math problems. But you know what? We spend all school year running around, doing all the things and learning all the things. So maybe we’ll rest a little more this Summer. We won’t rush ahead.

Will I be saying this in August? Maybe not ha! But for now I’m going to enjoy the present, and try to embrace and prepare for the change that’s coming my way. Because perhaps, embracing it fully and living in the moment is the very best way to grow through change. To shout thanks even if it’s painful or hard or trying. To see God’s handiwork in how he weaves our lives along. So whatever season you may find yourself in, good, hard, frustrating, sad, filled with change for better or worse, loneliness, joy, excitement, anticipation of what’s to come. Wherever you are today, I pray you find joy in it.  To choose at least one thing to be thankful for in the midst of it. And to press ahead, giving all you have to this day, making it the very best that you can.

“Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.” ~Henri Nouwen

 

5 comments on “On How Much I Hate Change

  1. Ok reading that made me tear up!!!!!!! I know that’s coming one day, and to enjoy the now. Gollee, how do they grow so fast!!! Because I mean, we’re not getting any older right?!?!=) Love you friend, hang in there through all the change!!!

  2. Oh my word YES to all of it. Lilli is going to be a sophomore and this week she is at a mission trip all week away from home and we told her, nope you cannot ever leave, you’ll live with us forever! lol Time goes by too quickly. I look at Jordan and think I wish you were a baby again but you’re 25 giving my beautiful grand-babies. Alina Mae is such a spitting image of her mommy that it makes me miss my baby even more. Now they are in Hawaii and the time to be with them and enjoy them is gone. It’s gut-wrenching to not be able to see your babies whenever you want but I thank God she is getting to experience life that I never did. Enjoy every second all the bad and the good. I am going to try much harder with Lilli to enjoy it more and not worry about the dishes and laundry and trash every dang second 🙂 because before I blink … much love friend.

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