Let’s All Be Real

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be real.   Maybe it’s my old age.  Maybe it’s being a mom and knowing the real dirty truth about what life at home with little people looks like.  Maybe it’s my obsession with running clothes and less makeup and comfort with a side of practicality.  I’m not sure.  What I do know is that something over the years has caused me to be drawn toward things that are real.  People that are real and relatable.  People who aren’t afraid to lay it out there even if it’s messy.  People who will tell me they aren’t good when I ask how they are.  People that are honest about life.  Because sometimes, life looks like this……

Kids climb all over wild piles of clean laundry. 

Beds don’t always look like this…..

Most of the time my kitchen looks more like this….

And she does this…..all the time…

Sometimes I wonder if I’m drawn to this “realness” in people because I’m experiencing more of life than I did when I was young.  More of the messy less put together life.   More of this…

and this….

I guess as you get older things that were once important to you become less important.  At least that’s what I’ve noticed.  A shift.  I now find I value quality time with people and depth in relationship more than surface conversations.  My husband and I were married before we were legally old enough to rent a car.  Yep.  Wee babes.  We’ve experienced a lot of life together over the years and have seen a lot of things that I was never exposed to growing up.  We’ve had 3 kids and lost loved ones.  We’ve fought and gone through valley’s.  We’ve seen friends leave or get sick or lose babies or get divorced.  Life gets messy.  All of those things have left me with a desire to do life with people who go in the trenches with me, and do be someone who will go in the trenches with other’s.

I guess I’m learning how valuable it is to surround myself with people I can do that part of life with.  I’m realizing how desperately I want my life to show some not so put together moments because we all need people we can relate to.  A shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen when life gets yucky, because it WILL get yucky at times.  I want to be real.  Why are so afraid to be real?

As a mom I’ve walked out of more establishments with a screaming kid on my hip than I care to admit.  When I see that mom in Target with the screaming kid my heart goes out to her, not from a place of judgement but because I can so closely relate to that moment she’s having.  I’ve so been there momma, keep it up, you are doing great.  I’ve seen the throw up miss the intended bowl only to end up all over the bed and hurtful words thrown at someone that came from the mouth of MY kid.  I’m living this crazy beautiful mess filled life and I think you should live it to, without feeling the need to look or sound perfect all the time.  Yes, we have put together moments.  They’re healthy.  It’s totally awesome to put on makeup and a cute outfit.  To eat healthy and exercise often(both things I’m passionately passionate about) but, if we’re being real, that’s not our always.  Sometimes, you want this…

and this…

I’ve decided going out in public without makeup is completely acceptable and have actually contemplated getting a pair of Birkenstock’s because my back hurts when I do the dishes.  My hair often lives in a bun on the top of my head…..and most days look like this…

I’ve dealt with back talk and incessant whining.  With sibling fights and parental yelling(something I said I’d never do) and public humiliation.  I’ve failed tests and lost jobs and made stupid decisions.  As I’m typing this I was literally just called to the bathroom where my middle son was taking a shower.  My bathroom to be exact.  I walk in and he asks me to smell the cup in the shower.  Yep.  Pee.  It reeked.  You know, the it’s been sitting for a while smell.  Vomit.  That’s what I wanted to do.  Come to find out the oldest(who I still refer to as the oldest right now because we’re not on a first name basis yet.  I’m still too mad) filled the cup with his own pee in hopes that his brother would come in to the bathroom to take a shower…and DRINK it.  Vomit again.  Go ahead, I give you permission.  You can throw up too.  I’ve failed at parenting and I’m quitting life.  The End.

We know it’s not the end.  Boys pee in the shower.  I didn’t know they would pee in CUPS in the shower but still.  It happens.  What fun is it if we can’t share these moments with each other and have a good laugh or cry or just whatever?  It’s life and I think we should take off our masks and show our true pee filled lives to each other sometimes.  It’s healthy ya’ll.

I’m growing up(Yes, I’m 33 and just now realizing this).  And as I’ve grown I’ve noticed that so much of what is around me is happy and well dressed and never late.  I don’t want that.  Not that I want bad days and sadness and to constantly look like crap.  But I want what’s real.  I want to display it to the world and I also want to be around it and soak it up.  It’s intoxicating isn’t it?  Being around people you can relate to because they are hurting and broken and messed up just like you?  I’m not at all saying we shouldn’t take care of ourselves and get cute and take pride in that.  I’m just saying let’s not be afraid to take the mask off and show what’s underneath the cute from time to time.

I read a book recently called Let’s All Be Brave.  I’ve talked to ya’ll about it before.  It is wonderful and all things lovely and thought provoking and challenging and encouraging.  It’ll make you want to sprout wings and fly friend.  I was thinking of that book today and what it means to be brave.  I want to be best friends with Annie F. Down’s.  She just seems like the coolest person on the planet.  If you’re reading this and you can set that up, please do.  Anyway, one way I want to be brave is to put on the real me.  To show what’s really here.  A kinda broken vessel that God’s picked up and used in various ways, even in my brokenness.  He’s given me this avenue to talk to you and sometimes that involves less running and nutrition and more dirty laundry and hamburgers.  The real stuff of life.  I want to be brave, like Annie talks about in the book.  I want to go for things and experience life the way God intended.  To do that I need to be ok with failing sometimes.  So,  let’s all be real too ok?  Let’s be supportive and not judgemental, let’s accept one another in all our lack of glory moments and do this life together wether we look the part or not.

“If there are seeds of courage living in all of us, waiting to bloom, words are the sun and the water that cheer on those seeds to their fullness.” 
― Annie F. DownsLet’s All Be Brave: Living Life with Everything You Have

18 comments on “Let’s All Be Real

  1. aw thank you!!! Don’t we all feel that way?! Yes, I’ll answer for you ha! And I agree with you, and don’t want to be a pretender =) Thanks for reading today! So glad we stumbled upon each other on IG!!

  2. Oh girl I want to reach through and hug you! Also the pee thing makes me laugh only because it’s such a BOY thing to do!

    I only have me, the BF and a new kitten, but I feel like my life is falling apart all the time! It happens! We just have to remember no one is perfect…some are just better at pretending. 😉

  3. Um Michelle, you should write a post!! That was so beautifully said. I could not agree with you more. I think about David a lot. Not because I’m an adulterer and murderer, but because I’m a sinner just like him. It’s all yuck. And yet God redeemed and used him and that’s the beauty of the grace and mercy of Christ. Wow, I’d love to be able to just sit and have coffee with you!!! Thank you for commenting and sharing this post. My prayer is that it encourages other women in their walks of life, wherever that may be. Thanks again and have a blessed weekend!!!!

  4. Awesome, Girl! I don’t know how our society of women has gotten off track. The appearance of a well maintained household has gotten to be an idol in our hands. How to get your children to obey 24/7 and be quiet and not be messy and have manners and be humble and, and, and,…. It is all a process. We don’t come out of the womb knowing anything. It is one step at a time;one fall at a time. I actually found comfort from these words from a friend….”if your children are perfect then they won’t need a savior”. Instead of the idol of Appearance we need to be seeking the solace that we are not alone, we are doing this thing mommy/wife/friend the best we can.You know who was real? Jesus. He wept for lost loved ones, got angry, wept over sinful people he longed to gather, he reprimanded, got frustrated, got alone time, and paid attention to children. He looked to the Father for his example of how to love. I hate trials. I am never the first one in line to get one. Sometimes, I am pushed into those lines. But if we don’t have them will we be complete in our walk;in our life. The law came to show me my sin so I wouldn’t do it (mostly). The book of James talks about enduring trials so we will be complete lacking nothing! Lacking nothing…means that when we mature we will have what we need to do the right thing because we let the messy things train us. You know who else was real? David. Notice how the “man after God’s own heart” is put on display? Oh, how awesome one day then a murderer the next! Isn’t that how life is? 🙂 Okay, maybe not the murderer part but having a messy house is close, right?

    I read an article about how pinterest was causing depression in women. The pins of perfection was driving them to exhaustion and depression because they couldn’t meet those standards. Ouch! We get bogged down in the unreal we lose all of our realness. It is our testimony that will save some not our edited lives!

    Excellent post! BTW!!! Your daughter’s photo of all the cabinets reminded me of the movie sixth sense. Spooky! The pee story is great! I can’t wait to share with others!

  5. Kim you are too sweet. Seriously. Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment. And living amidst the dirty, and sometimes clean, piles of laundry is just real life. Thanks for relating and taking the time to comment!!! Have a fab evening!!!

  6. Thanks Lisa, I could not agree with you more. It will drive me crazy sometimes when I find I’m working way too hard for all the wrong things. That’s when you need a re-set=) Thanks for stopping by the blog today and taking the time to encourage me with your comment!

  7. Thank you Shelly=) I’m so glad we’ve found this friendship even if it’s through social media. Kinda cool how God puts people in our lives like that and I’m beyond thankful for you. You are such a natural encourager. And seriously, the cup of pee. I will surely NEVER forget that momma moment as long as I live ha!!

  8. Thanks Alicia!!! I used to fold all my dish towels in the same direction every time I put them away. Then I had 3 kids and realized they stay in the laundry basket more often than not=) It is too hard to keep up the appearance and so much easier to lay it down. And yes, boys do silly and crazy things. Thanks for reading today!!

  9. Kylie girl…you are wise beyond your years. You will do just fine with marriage and kids, I have no doubt. Real is very good. And yes, boys are crazy…and so so gross too =) But they love their momma’s

  10. This is one of the best posts I’ve ever read!!! It’s so easy to think that everyone else has it all together when we are in the midst of chaos. I don’t think there is a mom out there who doesn’t spend most of her time in the very state that you described!!!
    I appreciate seeing how other moms really live!!!

  11. Thank you for being real!! It’s refreshing and makes me feel a little better, too! Sometimes we drive ourselves crazy trying to be perfect and do it all, taking a step back and doing what’s right for your family is the way to go.

  12. The real you is quite beautiful inside and out! Obviously I only “know” you from reading your blog but one of the main reasons I followed you is because I loved the way you just lay it all out there. I’m seriously glad I didn’t have a drink in my mouth because I was laughing hysterically about the pee in the shower….get ready momma with two boys there are certainly plenty more where that came from! And Let’s All Be Brave is on my reading list….we’ll see if I can get to it sooner than later!

  13. I love this post. I can relate to you in so many ways. When my son was born 4 years ago, my tolerance for bullsh#t disappeared. I just did not have time for that silly, useless struggle to appear perfect and put together. It was a moment in my life when I realized what was truly important, and putting on a daily “play” of looking like Ms. Organized/Has It In Control did not appeal to me. It’s too hard.

    That story about the pee in the cup is just too much, ahaha!!! I see what I have to look forward to. 😀

  14. Annie’s book was my favorite. I read it this fall in literally 3 hours. I could not put it down. I love this post because there are all things I am realizing too (and I’m only 23) but SO MUCH of social media makes it feel like we have to have it all together all the time. We have to wake up and immediately jump into a perfect schedule…but really sometimes I like to wake up and stay in bed for a few hours reading. I hope as more of life comes at me (marriage, kids…) that I can keep the perspective I have now. That real is good. And I was so happy to read this post and see that other people feel the same way!! I love your blog and I’m bookmarking this post. So much truth here.

    P.S. I have two younger brothers and I’m pretty sure my mom had to adopt the same technique as you…be outraged at the crazy but then talk and laugh about it. Boys are crazy! 😉

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