Hi! So, today is a special day. Josh, my middle guy, starts Kindergarten today. Insert ugly cry mixed with emotions of elation and joy, sadness and anxiousness….and pure exhaustion from our weekend. That’s what I feel today. It’s time for these kids to be back in school. Period. However, I’m losing my boy. So today, this post is for Joshy.
Not that I didn’t share the same sentiment when Jake went off to school, but Jake was meant for school. He’s my oldest. Our type A. He needed the structure and was really independent at home. School was a good thing and he never looked back, which made it easier for me.
Josh on the other hand is my momma’s boy…my home body. He’s almost 6 which means I’ve had him around a little longer since Jake went to Kinder right after he turned 5. So, somehow this feels different.
Kindergarten does strange things to a momma. It evokes a lot of different emotions. Joy, excitement, freedom, sadness, loss. You are excited for them, excited for you and a new chapter in motherhood. Yet, there is a loss attached. Loss of time. These years will never return and I’ve had my time with him. I’ve had the time being the sole source of influence on his little mind and heart, and now I’m handing him over to someone else for 7 hours of the day. How can it be over already? It really was a blink of an eye.
It’s hard. And yet just last week I was jumping up and down with the thought of everyone being back to school and having some me time. I’ll have time to, I don’t know, reclaim my summer wrecked house and walk our fat dog and clean toilets in peace. The very next day I woke up in tears thinking about the boys being gone and Lila going to pre-school 2 days a week. See what I mean? A crazy mix of emotions.
I know so many of you can relate to this and if you can’t…maybe one day you will? I know that my greatest joy apart from knowing Jesus and my husband is my 3 kids. In all the craziness, in all the moments when I want to pee in private and make dinner in peace. In all the times they fight and knock over my freshly folded piles of laundry…they are still my kids. I wouldn’t want to do life without them. I’ll miss them today and Lila and I will play and twirl and sing and dance and do what girls do. But I’ll miss my boys.
Josh is my kid who, when he’s not asleep in the car, is just joy. He’s almost always full of joy(except when he’s hungry and/or tired..then he’s just full of pure evil). He loves life and soaks up the little things. He has his moments trust me, all kids do. But he is typically easy and a breath of fresh air to me. God knew I needed him. He keeps me sane.
He’s a lot like me which I’m sure will cause some friction as he grows, but we have fun together. I know Kindergarten will do him good. He’s a little on the lazy end of things. He needs some structure, some good ole fashioned learning and someone to kick him into gear when I fail to do so. I’ll miss his laugh during the day and his way with Lila. But, I know it’s time. And I know he’ll do awesome. So, I’ll leave you today with some pictures of this boy. To all you momma’s sending little’s off to school, know you are not alone. It’s time to be brave. It’s time to start a new chapter, turn over this new leaf. We are on this ride together and they will be just fine. In fact, they may even thrive.
P.S. I’m already crying