A friend recently asked me (over cheese steaks by the way…which are entirely too messy to answer a really serious question while eating) a really simple yet very pointed question that rocked my world a bit.
“What’s the point of the blogging. Like, what do you want from it?”
That may not be exactly how the question was worded, but that’s what I heard.
Here was my response…if you’d call it that….
“Um. Well uh you know. I like to connect with people. I like to write and talk about running stuff???”
I didn’t know. Seriously? After a year and a half at this blogging thing, I had no answer. At least not a smart sounding articulate one that indicated I had put some thought and vision into this whole deal. So, I decided to let it sit for a while. I went home and thought about it, bothered that I couldn’t come up with a smarter sounding answer. But mostly that I just didn’t know the answer.
That was last Tuesday.
It didn’t take long for it to click. I just needed to be prodded a little to let my mind move forward. It generally does, but in a dreamer way, not in a practical one. Like, I’ll dream about living in a cute little cabin in the woods of Colorado with our family but that’s not necessarily a practical dream…according to my husband anyway. But what about the practical go for it with all you’ve got because you’ve got passion man! sorta dreams. What about those?
I don’t voice those. Because what if I fail? Then I’ve put it out there and everyone knows and then it doesn’t happen…and well, that’s just humiliating. So, why not just stick to the impractical yet safe dreams that may or may not happen?
Because maybe that’s not what we’re meant to do.
“Believe in yourself,” this is what I want you to think about. Don’t believe in yourself in such a way that you think you can accomplish anything on your own. You can’t. To believe in yourself means to believe that God made you and there is no one like you, that you have a unique call to courage, and that you can do the thing that is staring you in the face.” ~Annie F. Downs
This past Summer I received an email from a local videographer. He wanted to do a documentary on me. I’m sorry…….what now?
That was my initial response.
I did some research, recruited Rob and a friend to help me decided wether or not I was going to move forward with this opportunity. The obvious answer was, “well heck yes.”
I spoke with Paul on the phone not long after that email, and it just clicked. I knew we’d work well together as we had a lot in common and he seemed(not to sound like a total creeper) to really get me. Like, get my vision for the blog and who I was and what I wanted from all of this, and at the time, I had no idea just how valuable that would be(and you and I both know I didn’t even know the answer to those questions yet).
One of the first things he told me when we spoke on the phone for the first time was to begin thinking about my goals. Dreams. Aspirations. Direction and vision for the blog. Where I want to take it and what message do I want to tell from this video that’s all about me. Boring, normal, mom me. What could I possibly have to give? It scared me. How would I put all the dreams I have, plus all I really want to say to you all, my faithful friends who read this blog, into words? I had no idea. And that was several months ago.
We decided to meet over lunch to discuss the plans for the film. Paul asked if he and his wife could meet with me and my husband, but Rob couldn’t get away from work, so I invited my photographer and amazing creative friend, Emily, to join us. We met and chatted over salads and burgers and sweet potato fries. You guys, they were my dream couple. They had me at burgers.
Paul dove right in with some tough questions. The same ones that had been asked months before and that my friend had asked me last week.
What in the world am I passionate about and why do I do this blog?
So. Since I tend to lean more on the side of the written word as opposed to the spoken on, here is my answer(or my answers, because clearly, I have a lot to say).
You. You are my answer. I do it for the people. I do it for the connection because, as we discussed over the amazing burgers, we all crave relationship. We all want someone we can relate to and someone who isn’t afraid to voice the struggles. In a world where everyone’s very best is put on display every day, true authenticity is hard to come by.
I do it because I’m passionate about encouraging women specifically to be who God made them to be. To shoot for the stars because life is short, to know they aren’t alone when they yell at their kids, to pursue a killer and passionate marriage, to be healthy both outwardly and inwardly, and to know that they…that YOU, are fearfully and wonderfully made and that you are NOT alone in this thing called life. Yes, I’m talking to you through a computer screen with ugly tears and snot running down my face because that’s where my passion and the answer to that question lies……in you.
My struggle throughout this blogging process has been how to combine this whole fitness thing(which I’m also passionate about) with my deeply rooted desire to connect and encourage and support other’s through real life stories. How do these two things go together?
I wrestled. Pick a side!! Surely, there is no place for a blog that speaks to both. But then I decided I didn’t care. Not to sound harsh or crass, but I just didn’t. This is what God’s given me, so why not use it?
Now, hear me. I’m not claiming this perfect life that everyone can relate to. I’m not saying I’m the one person that is real and true and everyone else is faking it. I’m not, so please hear my heart through my words. I want to be relatable and real for you because we all need that. We crave it. We get so busy, as Paul’s wife reminded me of yesterday in our conversation(see, they are in fact awesome) that we fail to see people. We don’t look up right? Like in the marathon. We look down, and I don’t want to live my life looking down. We all have a story. We all have struggles and victories and passions and GIFTS!! We all have gifts. What a shame if we don’t use them.
“God is perfect (we are not). He sees the big picture (we do not). He knows everything (we do not). So I choose to believe in this — that I am who I am on purpose, that the One who made me has a purpose and has unconditional love for me and those in my life.” ~Annie F. Downs
So. That’s it. That’s my answer. It may not be extremely deep and articulate. It may not take me to fame and fortune. It may not change one ounce of your life today. And that’s ok. Because at the end of the day, it’s about doing my hard. My scary thing and being obedient to the gifts and the calling I’ve been given. And I feel very attached to this blog. Regardless of where it takes me in this life, it’s of value to me because it allows me to reach out to you. And that is where my passion rests.
So dream big. You never know what’s right around the corner of that big thing staring you down. I think we get afraid to dream. I mean seriously, there is way too much laundry to fold to mess with dreams. Too many games to get kids to, and far too many spelling words to drill into the ever wandering mind of our 4th grader(I may or may not be speaking from personal experience…but you guys..what is the deal with the 4th grader who can not focus for more than .7 seconds? It’s driving me mad and turning me gray). Too much responsibility.
Don’t believe it. Don’t believe that you aren’t good enough to dream and better yet, to go after those dreams and see what God does with your obedience. It may be the best dream you ever wake up from. So, why not go for it? You’re worth it. I promise.
“I think God could untangle your soul, your story, your gifts, your people, your place, and your passions, and begin to weave it into purposes that you haven’t been brave enough to imagine.”
― Jennie Allen,
*professional images courtesy of Emily Megan Photography