Brain Farts

So. This week has been a bit of a doozie.  Sometimes life just sort of slaps you in the face. Not necessarily with anything major or life threatening, just the little things.

Often times, life’s circumstances can bring out our weaknesses. A lot of times really, yes? Like, every day. And when there is a pattern in an area where you feel inadequate, it can get to you. One of my things is brain farts. A continuous, seemingly never-ending stream of them.

I know that sounds very 7th grade boy, but it’s a pretty good description of where my brain is much of the time. I don’t do A LOT of things well. I don’t do frantic.  I can focus on one big thing at a time. One. Stinking. Thing. Or the opposite can be true, my brain is so all over the place that I can’t focus on anything. How can those two traits be present in the same person? Shouldn’t there be something in there that balances those two out? One would think.

It’s so unfair(or so my mind tells me, but it’s wrong).

Why didn’t God make me with this giant capacity for remembering what’s not right in front of my face? Sometimes I wonder. But there has to be a reason He didn’t in fact make me that way. There must be a purpose in these really annoying qualities.  Right?

Right…………

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I think. A lot. My brain ping pongs from one thing to another. One minute I’m thinking deep spiritual or intellectual type thoughts(I do NOT consider myself an intellectual. A dreamer? Yes. A free-spirit at heart? Yes. But not an intellectual. I do love a good thinking session, but I guess that just makes me a big dork) and the next minute I’m thinking about my running schedule or that assignment one of the kids has due on Friday.

It’s dinner plans and the ketchup I keep forgetting at the store to the socks on my bedroom floor to what I’m going to wear. It’s ridiculous really. Then, if I really decide to focus, it can only be on one thing. If I have a big thing happening, like when I got certified to be a personal trainer, I dive into a hole. Ask my friends and family. A big. giant. hole. I can’t really think about or focus on anything else until that big thing is complete.

I have 3 kids ya’ll. Stuff is always going on. Our life is a revolving door of activity and appointments, assignments and games, projects and play dates. And I just don’t always do it well.

I procrastinate like it’s my job. I literally decided today on my run that I would jump off the treadmill at 10:20 in order to pick up Jake by 10:30 and get him to a Dr’s appointment at 11. I had it all planned out to maximize every second for my run, and yet, I did not factor in the sweat. Or lack of makeup. Or food.  Or cool down. Nope. I just assumed I could push it until the last-minute and win.

I won. I got him there on time. But man, I stunk.

I guess the point of all my random thoughts here is this.  It’s ok that you suck at something. I do. Lots of somethings actually. And I have to remind myself every day that He, God, the creator of the ME I so often put down, made me for a purpose.

These insecurities, these annoying tendencies that can hurt me and those closest to me, don’t define me. As a parent, all of your weaknesses come flooding to the surface like a rushing wave. It can’t be stopped. Parenthood is like a mirror. You see all your blemishes whether you want to or not. You can’t cover them up really fast with a good skin care routine. Their just out there for the world to see. It quickly puts you in your place and reminds you just how human you are. I’d love to be the mom who has it all together(although, the older I get the more convinced I become that THAT woman just doesn’t exist. Period. Because perfection doesn’t exist. Something’s gotta give somewhere). I’d love to be the mom who remembers to pack lunches the day ahead and signs the planners and remembers the dang snacks at the game.

Crap. I’m the forgetful mom.

I’d love to be the “with it mom.” But here’s the thing. I’m just not really that person. And that’s ok. Because I don’t have to be the “with it mom” to hold value or parent my kids well or even do life well. If God had wanted me to be the “with it mom,” He would have instilled in me a different skill set. Now, can I work on being more organized and a better planner? Yes. Absolutely. But, I can’t wish away my make up. What makes me me, even the frustrating things, all work together to set me apart for God’s work.

Whether or not I remember that orthodontist appointment or to pay my gap bill (ahem. A legit issue. Ask my husband. In my defense, Gap stinks at notifications) is not what makes me valuable or gives me purpose. Just like being the top female in your company or being able to breast feed or always talking in a sweet hushed whisper to your kids isn’t what makes you worthy and valuable. God makes you that. Nothing you do or don’t do adds value to your soul. He has already made us valuable because He made us in His image. And He wants us to manage our strengths as well as our weaknesses, in order to serve Him well.

It’s important to remember that God gives us personalities, not perfection. Personalities are filled with amazing attributes, but they also come with weaknesses. I spend too much time wishing those away. I tend to forget that through my weaknesses, I see Jesus.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Do I celebrate my weaknesses? I for one do not. I tear myself down for them.

“Will God ever ask you to do something you are not able to do? The answer is yes–all the time! It must be that way, for God’s glory and kingdom. If we function according to our ability alone, we get the glory; if we function according to the power of the Spirit within us, God gets the glory. He wants to reveal Himself to a watching world.”

 

So. Don’t put yourself down because you struggle with this or that. We all struggle my friend.

We are dealing with some issues with one of our kiddo’s, and my attempt to manage them has brought so many of my insecurities as a mom to the surface. You can not predict the stages and struggles your kids will have. They are individuals and you must parent them differently according to their situations, personalities, individual love language and learning styles. Ah. It’s so hard.

But, I know that God’s best for me is not me tearing down what He made on purpose. He doesn’t want me crying in the corner, pouting because I stink at remembering snacks or staying on top of my calendar. He really doesn’t care that I require two alert’s in my phone or 2,000 sticky notes just to remember to pay the pool guy.

Who cares.

He wants me up. Serving. Doing. Loving people well. Or down on my face worshiping Him for who HE is, not pouting over who I am not.

A dear friend, through a simple text message, reminded me today that God CHOSE me to be my kids mom. He CHOSE me(she said in all caps). He did that for a reason. Just like He has you wherever you are for a purpose. In spite of all our weaknesses, we can be used. We have purpose and we can do big things. Or small things like cleaning toilets or cleaning up throw up(which is technically no small task, am I right?). We ALL have worth because the one who knit us together is the MOST worthy.

“God’s real desire, in addition to displaying His glory, is to claim your heart and the hearts of those you love.”
Priscilla Shirer

So celebrate you friend. Celebrate your differences with other’s and celebrate your weaknesses, but don’t dwell on them.  When we are small, He is big. When we decrease, He increases. And it’s really not about us anyway.

It’s about Him.

 

 

2 comments on “Brain Farts

  1. So true, but yet something I always tend to forget God values us FOR WHO WE ARE, THE PERSON HE MADE US!!!

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